Homer Simpson revels in combining food and drink with wild abandon: every liquor in the house set aflame with cough syrup, skittles floating in beer, tomatoes cross-bred with tobacco. Few, however, are as heartbreakingly realistic as the H.S.P.S.A.O.O.T.W.M.W. Strip down to your undies, strap on an apron, and let's clog some arteries.

 

Ingredients

For Homer's Version:

  • 1 handful of caramels
  • Some store bought batter
  • 1 stick of butter
  • A few dashes of liquid smoke

For Better Actually Edible Version:

For browned butter topping:

  • 1 stick of butter

For caramel sauce:

  • ½ of water
  • 1 cup of sugar
  • 1 cup of heavy cream
  • ½ tsp of vanilla extract (optional)

For waffles:

  • 1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 Tbsp corn meal
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp kosher salt
  • 2 eggs, yolks and whites separated
  • 1 ¾ cups buttermilk
  • ¼ cup browned butter (you can also use vegetable oil)
  • Smoked sea salt (for topping)

Method

  For Homer's Verison:

  1. Dump the caramels onto your waffle grate and top that with some store bought waffle batter. Gently close your waffle iron.
  2. Re-open and add a healthy pour of liquid smoke.
  3. The waffle should be burnt and sticky when finished. Your waffle iron should also be completely destroyed.
  4. Wrap the waffle around the stick of butter, like a burrito from hell. Secure with a wooden skewer. Be sure to burn both your hands and mouth while attempting to take a bite. Then, proceed to make a slightly better version.

For Better Actually Edible Version:

For browned butter topping:

  1. In a small pan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Swirl and shake constantly until milk fats begin to brown. You should see some little brown particles in the butter. Pour into a small ramekin. Set aside so it can solidify for ideal waffle application.

For caramel sauce: 

  1. In a saucepan, bring water and sugar to a boil. Stir gently, making sure the sugar doesn’t stick to the sides of the pan. Pour yourself a glass of scotch for color reference and bring the mixture to 350℉.
  2. While water and sugar are coming to a boil, heat heavy cream to almost boiling. Then, pour cream into water and sugar mixture a ¼ cup at a time. Continue to combine over low heat. Add vanilla extract if you desire.
  3. Set aside to cool and thicken.

For waffles:

  1. In a medium mixing bowl, whisk well to combine flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and kosher salt.
  2. In a separate bowl, separate egg whites from their yolks. Set whites aside. Whisk yolks, buttermilk, and browned butter together until homogeneous.
  3. Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and whisk vigorously until no lumps remain.
  4. Using a hand mixer, whip egg whites to stiff peaks.
  5. Make sure there are no lumps in the initial batter and then fold in the whipped egg whites until fully incorporated. Be careful to not over mix.
  6. Generously spray non-stick spray onto preheated waffle iron. Pour about ¾ cup of the waffle batter to cover the iron. Jam it down and allow to cook for about 5 minutes.
  7. Crack open the waffle iron once the waffle is done. Slice into quarters and arrange decoratively on a plate to impress any brunch guests (or just yourself). Hit it with a dollop of the browned butter and generous drizzle of the caramel sauce. Top with smoked sea salt and enjoy.